True Love

How do you know when you truly love someone? When its complete unconditional and there are no doubts or question marks in your mind. When you are together, you feel completely comfortable and at ease. There are no thoughts about what to say next, everything flows naturally and you feel like this is how its supposed to be.

I remember what that feels like, maybe not as much as when it happened some 2 years ago…but still I thought that I had found that one true love of my life and could completely stop searching. Thinking back now, I remember after we had met, I honestly did not feel that anything was going to come of it but after I left his side, everything changed. It was almost like in my life, something was missing. It was a feeling I don't think I had experienced before. I sometimes wonder what it was that made it so.. Was it the all day long road trip on which I got terribly sick and was throwing up every hour for the last four hours of the trip, and there he was being patient and caring, never once complaining about my poor sorry state? Or was it cos I felt that after an embarrassing 4 hours of spilling my guts (literally) in front of the guy and he didn't run away in disgust, completely safe and cared for.  I think that was the most important feeling..being cared for. And when you are up in the middle of the mountainous terrains, a stones throw away from the Himalayas, knowing that you are safe and cared for matters.

It really had been a long time for me, since I could say that I felt that way. It was a remarkably delightful feeling. A really happy time, tho I have to admit some part of me didn't really think that anything would become of it.

Little did I know, when i got onto that plane headed back to South Africa, that I would feel such incredible devastation like my whole world was about to crumble to pieces.

Was that true love? Or some kind of love? I feel for me that it was something more.

I can only wonder some 2 years later, a year after that relationship has ended whether, considering how things ended up, was it a genuine true love? I would like to think that it was at least some semblance of what true love could be..and perhaps I got close to having it.

I also realized that being the analyst that I am, I gotta try not to think too much about whether its true or not. You have to feel it. And really, once you get there, it will all be so worth it.